It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
