Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't notice because vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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