just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
