he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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