I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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