I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
