Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
