sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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