If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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