Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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