I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
