I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
