You're my little dorito
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
