To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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