I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
