I bet he comes in French.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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