The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we're making bets on your personal life
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
