I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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