Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
