I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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