do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
