So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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