She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
