I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
