Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
