therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
