There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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