I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
