I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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