cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i've created a new STD.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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