Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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