it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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