Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
