Got a toothbrush?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
