he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
