walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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