I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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