The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
