I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
