I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
