No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
