I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
