hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
