you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
