You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
