You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
