remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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