She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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