shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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