During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
